When Homework Is Harder Than It Looks

Understanding the executive function challenges behind getting the work done

It’s evening. Your middle or high schooler has been home for a while. Dinner may be happening, another child needs something, you’ve had a full day yourself, and there’s still homework to be done.

Your child knows it, too.

The assignment is sitting there. Maybe the laptop is open. Maybe they’ve been staring at the same page for 20 minutes. Or maybe they haven’t even gotten that far.

It can be hard to understand what’s happening, especially when you know your child is perfectly capable of doing the work.

This may be where executive function comes into the picture.

The Homework Problem May Have Started Hours Ago

Executive function is the collection of skills we use to organize ourselves, get started, manage time, remember information, shift our attention, and work our way through a task.

Emotional regulation plays a role, too. When a child is already overwhelmed, it can be even harder to access the executive function skills they need. “I can’t do this” can quickly lead to frustration, shutting down, or feeling defeated.

Think about everything that has to happen before your child completes a homework assignment. And consider how many of those steps may feel automatic to you because you've had years of practice.

Your child may not know how to break down the steps. 

They have to understand the assignment when it’s given. Write it down or enter it somewhere. Take enough notes during class to know what they’re supposed to do later. Keep track of the papers. Remember where to find the assignment. Bring home the right book or materials. Decide what needs to be done first. Figure out how long it might take.

And then actually start.

That's a lot of steps hidden inside what looks like one task.

If focusing during class is difficult, your child may come home with incomplete notes. If an assignment is vague, they may not know what the teacher is actually asking for. If papers are shoved into a backpack without a system, the worksheet they need may be somewhere at the bottom in a crumpled heap.

By homework time, the problem isn't necessarily the homework.

Capability Isn't the Same as Executive Function

This distinction matters.

Executive function challenges aren't a reflection of intelligence. A student can understand the material and be fully capable of doing the work, yet struggle with the skills needed to manage it.

The ability to follow through may be possible one day and difficult the next. Focus, energy, and regulation aren't exactly the same from day to day. That inconsistency can be confusing for your child, too. They may wonder, “I could do this yesterday. Why can't I do it today?”

That’s where presuming competence becomes so important. Believe in your child’s capabilities while recognizing that they may need support to access them.

Instead of assuming they could do this if they would just get started, we can get curious about why getting started is hard.

Is the assignment clear? Do they know what the first step is? Are they missing any information? Is the assignment too large? Do they have five things due and no idea which one to do first?

Sometimes the skill hasn't developed enough for what's being asked of them yet.

That doesn't mean it can't. It means they may need support and practice to develop the skills that will make the work more manageable.

And Then There's AuDHD

For kids who are both autistic and have ADHD, executive function can have another layer of complexity.

The needs associated with autism and ADHD don't always play nicely together. A child may crave predictability and structure while also struggling to maintain the routines that provide it. They may become intensely focused on something while having tremendous difficulty shifting their attention to the assignment that needs to be done.

Understanding that tension can help us see behavior differently.

So, What Can Help?

There isn't one system that's going to work for every student. The goal is to find the scaffolding that works for your child and involve them in figuring that out.

A few places to start:

• Make assignments concrete. Vague directions can create a roadblock before the work even begins. Written directions, rubrics, examples, or teacher clarification can help.

• Break large assignments into clear steps. “Write history paper” is enormous. Choosing a topic, finding three sources, taking notes, creating an outline, and writing the first paragraph are steps a student can actually see themselves doing.

• Create a single system for assignments. Use a paper planner, digital calendar, school portal, and checklist. The best system isn't the fanciest. It's the one your child will actually use. Consider a check-in at the beginning of the week to review what's ahead and where they might want help developing a strategy.

• Give the paper a home. Folders, binders, or another simple system can help prevent the backpack from becoming the place where worksheets go to disappear.

• Look at what happened during the school day. Would written directions help? Teacher-provided outlines or notes? A check-in to make sure an assignment was understood? Some of these supports may be appropriate through an IEP or a 504 plan.

• Ask your child. Instead of jumping to a solution, try asking, “What part of this feels hard?” or “What do you think would make this easier?” Acknowledge that what they're being asked to do may genuinely feel hard.

Your child may not know.

That's okay.

Including them in the search for an answer is still important. It sends a very different message than simply stepping in and fixing the problem for them. Over time, the goal is for them to understand what helps their brain work and begin advocating for those supports themselves.

You Don't Have to Be Their Executive Function Coach

Some parents can provide this kind of support at home. Others aren't.

You may have other children who need you. You may have a demanding career. By 7:00 p.m., you may simply not have the capacity to break a science assignment into six manageable pieces.

There's nothing particularly neutral about a parent and teenager discussing missing homework at the end of a long day, either.

Executive function coaches, individually or in groups, can help students develop systems and skills. School-based supports may also be available, including those provided through an IEP or 504.

These supports can work in tandem with what happens at home.

Because home doesn't have to become another classroom.

It can be the place where your child knows that when something isn't working, the first question isn't Why didn't you do it?

It's What's getting in the way?

And then, Let's figure out what might help.

Parents Need Support, Too

An executive function coach can work directly with your child to build the skills and systems that make school more manageable.

My work is with you, the parent.

How much help do you offer without taking over? When do you step in, and when do you give them space to figure it out? And what happens when you're already stretched thin yourself?

You don't need to become an executive function expert to be a supportive parent.

Together, we can sort through what you're seeing at home, what your child may need from you, and how you want to respond. Sometimes that may include recognizing when another form of support could help.

If you're questioning whether you're doing too much, not enough, or simply aren't sure what would help, let's talk.